My Life

This is not a diary nor a journal. It is merely a compilation of my thoughts about life and everything that goes with it. So please respect everything that I've got to say. After all, this is my life.

That’s the problem with heartbreak, to you it’s like an atomic bomb and to the world it’s just really clichéd because in the end we all have the same experience.

—Drinking Buddies (2013)

(Source: lilysofthefield)

"Let’s be friends instead." Why?

I guess there is a fine line between fighting to be with someone and caging them in. Yes, I felt like I was the one who was caging him in. Like I am stopping him from flying to where he wants to go. Go where? I don’t know. Maybe from meeting other people? New girls? Idk. Or just keeping him from being his antisocial self because I want to talk to him. Or a greater fear, what if I was keeping him from meeting the girl who was really meant for him? What if the love of his life sat beside him on the LRT but he didn’t quite notice because he was busy texting me? WHAT THEN? He won’t be able to maximize the happiness level he is really capable of having in his lifetime ALL.BECAUSE.OF.ME. 

Also, I honestly don’t think we are ready for a serious relationship. I don’t think HE is ready for a serious relationship yet. I love him, he loves me. I know that. But we are young. And maybe we are too young to decide who we could spend the rest of our lives with NOW. I am fully aware of that. But thing is, I am not asking for much. I just want to have some consistency, some stability. I want to know I am standing on solid ground.

He wants me to wait for him until he is ready. And even though I love him to bits, he can’t put me in a shelf and take me again when he’s ready to use me again. It just doesn’t work that way. I had to make it clear that I am not waiting for him in the shadows until he grows up and be a man. I think I deserved more than that. 

I have realized this a long time ago, we are very different people which even makes me wonder why we even ‘clicked’ in the first place. Given that my parents are the not-intimate-at-all type of people, I grew up promising myself that I will not be like that when I find the love of my life. I will not keep my affections hidden in my heart and pour it out on my husband’s death bed when he’s gone. That will be useless then. Instead, I will shower my future husband with love everyday of our lives until we grow old and gray. In short, I am a very affectionate girl. (not touchy, there’s a difference) I guess I just like to show people I love that I care. And him on the other hand, I don’t know. It’s like he’s allergic to affection. He is uncomfortable with the common expressions of love and it’s hard for me to be with someone who is like that. That’s another problem, he has this “It’s more special when it’s seldom” belief. But how about my “Deathbed” belief? I don’t want my future husband to die knowing that my last words to him were ‘TTYL!’ or ‘NOIGHT’. I want them to be words of affection like ‘I love you’ or ‘I missed you today’. Is that so haaaaaaard to comprehend? Yung totoo, EEXPLAIN KO PA BA?!

They say relationships are built on trust. And I don’t think we have that enough. You know when they say there are only two reasons why we don’t trust people? First reason is maybe because we don’t know them. The second reason is because we know them. I believe my case with him was based on the latter. I know him. I know how unstable he is and I already know what’s going on in his mind before he even tells me. I trust him with my secrets, I trust him with my safety, I trust that he won’t betray me and I trust that he will be there when I need someone to talk to. I trust him with a lot of things. But I don’t trust him with my heart anymore. I think my heart deserves to belong to someone who won’t keep finding new ways to disappoint it. Besides, I’m not even sure if he trusts me with his.

But I will be his bestfriend. I will be there when he needs me. We were both clear that we wanted to stay in each other’s lives as friends and I am confident that we will be able to do that. Maybe that’s what we were really meant to be from the start. Bestfriends- a shoulder to cry on, spelling errors to laugh at, a foodtrip buddy, someone who will spoil movies for you, someone who tells her to follow her mom even though she’s strict as hell, someone who encourages him to send the goddamn letter to his dad. 

And even though there was no ‘goodbye’ mentioned in that last “real talk” we had, it was still sad because I felt something end. It didn’t hurt that much because I am STILL his best bud and I am STILL invited to his house. Basically, I am STILL a part of his life.

But you know, it still hurts because I may not have said ‘goodbye’ as a friend but I felt like I bid farewell as his lover. I am finally believing that we are not meant to be ‘lovers’ in the first place. We were meant for something more lasting than that. Love is an overrated concept, anyway.

I am just sad, not because we are just friends. Friends is awesome. Friends is consistent and stable. I guess I’m sad because I know he’s never going to kiss the back of my hand that way ever again. God, I love it when he does that.

stay-honest:

crownmalone:

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How did you know?”"Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind." replied the author.Here’s the answer:Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.People in love sometimes say, I was swept of my feet. Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.Because (listen carefully to this)The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.Remember this always: the universe determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go!

I reblog this every time I see it


😳😳😳

stay-honest:

crownmalone:

ARE YOU WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?


During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?”
In all seriousness, she answered “How did you know?”
"Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind." replied the author.

Here’s the answer:

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, I was swept of my feet. Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this)

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: the universe determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go!

I reblog this every time I see it

😳😳😳

(via acousticelectrified)

Make friends with people who aren’t your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn’t the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn’t doesn’t come from your social class. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow.

—note to self (via c0ntemplations)

(via lovurs)

FREAKING OUT.

I shiver, thinking how easy it is to be totally wrong about people, to see one tiny part of them and confuse it for the whole.

—Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall (via psych-facts)

(via thinly)